Letting go of the past, hard but necessary.

Letting go of the past has always been the hardest thing for me to do, I always feel that if I let it go I'm condoning the actions, I'm letting the people get away with what they did. Lately though I've come to realise that I'm not forgiving them for what they've done if I let go, I'm just...Stopping them from ruining my life, stopping them from controlling me. This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make and its not going to be easy to stick to, there's going to be days where all I want to do is bring about pain on people who did the same to me but I will prevail. Everything comes from something so I'm thinking if I can get over my past, maybe the issues in my present will subside (hopefully) I'm done living in fear of people, I'm sick of looking at myself and seeing exactly what they made me feel like. I've let go of the fist/belt-beatings from my ex-step father, the rape, the emotional abuse, the daddy issues, its all behind me now. I have never felt this at ease with myself, for the first time since I was 2 years old I feel like I have a future, the potential for a life not just filled with hate and control. I can see a glimmer of light somewhere down that dark tunnel, not too far away. I just sat crying for about 2 hours, half were tears of sadness as I finally let myself hurt from what had been done to me and half were tears of joy, for being able to shed the weight of it all finally. This might not make sense to you guys but it makes sense to me. I feel like for the first time ever I've confronted everything I've been too afraid to, I've made sense of it all, I can finally put it to rest knowing that actually, as a 2 year old I didn't deserve what I got, at any age, it wasn't my fault, none of it was. It will probably be a long and painful process, getting my mind from the way it has been since I have been old enough to understand anything to a mindset that's healthy but I'm finally willing to try. I finally feel that I'm worth enough to try. Is that insane? It probably is, I've gone mad I bet, that's why I'm shaking. Anyway, Bye my Angels <3