Its the most heartbreaking thing in the world.

In 18 days its Valentines day, and I'm spending my 18th one alone. I feel I should get an award for that personally, that's a lovely matching date. However, I have noticed that the closer it gets towards that formidable day, the more people are calling me up at all hours of the day begging for my help because they don't feel like they can go on, or people calling me for other people who need my help to come back from the verge of suicide, sometimes, quite literally needing help coming back from the ledge. I think that's the saddest thing in the whole world actually. A day that should inspire joy and an actual want to be around other people, regardless of if you're with someone or not, has just turned into a day that makes sensitive, emotionally unstable people, single or not, feel like suicide is their only option. This is the 4th year in a row that I've seen the number of calls logged in my phone significantly increase as the dreaded date draws nearer. I go from having people call me maybe once a week/two weeks, to every day, because they know the signs to look for in themselves and they're seeing them frequently. These next few weeks are going to be the most exhausting of the year. Between calls, looking after my sister, keeping up with college and the coursework/homework I get, trying to maintain a social life and finding time to breathe, I am probably going to be lucky to get a 20 minute power nap at night. I do not begrudge them calling me at all, these people are on rocky ground and they need the stability and assurances, I am always happy to help every person that wants it, I just hope I can help them all. That I don't miss anyone's call accidentally and be the cause of another tragically early ending. I tell you what, if you think exams are stressful, walk a week in my pre-valentines day shoes, you'll soon be begging for the sweet consistency of exams. Cross your fingers for my successful helping of everyone? My mood increased slightly today, to about 0.3. My heart feels less heavy because of it. Oh, I forgot to tell you, because of my wobbliness on what emotions are, apparently I've been mistaking my feeling of friendliness with the one of infatuation, which explains a lot of my mood swings with whether I like someone or not. Don't you think? Bye my Angels <3