There used to be a guy who made me weak in the knees. Not many people liked him but I didn't care, because to me he was my favourite. He was the first person that ever truly made me nervous and happy at the same time. Taking my breath away wasn't an easy thing to do but he managed it. And because he affected me so, I had to run. I was petrified of being hurt, too scared to give him the chance he asked me for. With hindsight that's probably what really kicked off my avoid getting close to people at all costs mantra. Now I feel like I'm heading down the same road I went down with him and I can feel myself pushing him away. I don't know how to deal with people staying. I can accept, understand, even sympathise with people who leave. Like, you see those people on films that don't leave when you tell them to, that stay when you try and push them away and I don't understand them, I've never known that to happen but if it did I wouldn't know what to do. It's become like an art to me, perfecting my technique of pushing people away. It's all I have. And when it comes down to it, it's not like people really care enough to stay anyway, they are off just as quickly as they came into my life. People are all the same and I know that's taring everyone with the same brush and thats bad but it's true. Everyone leaves in the end.
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