Groups of list of threes.

Okay, so I know I've been a bit MIA lately, I apologise, but a lot of stuff has happened since my last post and dealing with it has been difficult, I haven't been able to find the write words to write about it all, so I've avoided it, but now I'm going to write it all out regardless of whether it makes sense or not because its killing me a little bit. It is true, in my experience that bad things happen in threes, but unfortunately it is never specified how many groups of threes happen at any one time, that essential bit of information that says that yes, bad things are all linked together in a nice list of three, but you can have so many list of three's at one time you're like a badly written descriptive poem. You guys already knew that one of my closest friends and I haven't spoken in a while, since he told me he had 'outgrown' me, and I went back into college thinking that it would hurt a lot seeing him, but it really doesn't, I thought that was going to be the worst thing to happen this term, that I'd got my bad luck out before I went back to college so I shouldn't get any more now for another term, I thought wrong.
 I went to the doctors two nights ago for a check up because I haven't been feeling right, so whilst I was there I asked if he could do anything about my joint pain, because its getting worse and now my legs are actually having difficulty functioning properly. So he sits me down on that stupid bed thing they have in the offices and he starts smacking at my joints with one of those little hammer things and I'm just sitting there having my joints smacked at by a hammer, and then he takes bloods from me (which is awful because I'm so scared of needles that I cry every time they take them from me, it doesn't even hurt that much, it just scares me) and at the end he asks me if I have arthritis in the family, and I say yes, on both my mum's and my dad's side, and he goes I'm fairly sure this is the onset of osteoarthritis, there's not really much I can do about it, you'll just have to deal with it. Now, I've known my joints were awful for ages so that wasn't anything unbearable to me, but then I stood up to leave and collapsed and hit my head, because I hadn't eaten anything proper in at least two days, so once I wake up he goes 'you're not eating again huh?' and I'm like 'I normally am, but lately I'm really stressed with exams and I haven't been feeling well anyway so eating makes me throw up' and he looks at me and goes 'I'm putting eating disorder back on your list of diagnoses' It was heartbreaking, I'd literally worked so hard to get that off of there and just because I was feeling ill one time and couldn't hold anything down I'm now back on it. I wouldn't mind but I don't exactly look like I have one any more, I've put on weight and everything by their request and now just like that I'm back on that list I tried so hard to get off. I told my friends it was the fact I was told about this arthritis that upset me, they don't know about the other diagnosis, I don't know what I'd say, how to say it to them, what they'd think of me, I'm fairly sure they all thought I was better, hell, I thought I was better, but now thanks to a doctor's rash actions no other doctor is going to think I'm better for such a long time. So that sucked.   THEN, yesterday I got a call from an ex of mine, one who cheated on me with one of my closest friends because they were 'in love', he asked how I was, how everything was, how she was. He didn't even know that Molly had killed herself. I had to tell him, he didn't even care. He cheated on me for love, well, some love if he didn't even know that crucial fact about her life status. So that made me cry, because obviously it brought up unresolved pain from the time he did it, and anger at myself because of why Molly did it, again. That sucked too. And then, the final thing on my list of three for the week goes as follows; I had my heart broken by a guy who's done the exact same thing to me once before, a male I thought would treat me differently this time. I thought maybe he wouldn't use me as a bit of fun until he got a girlfriend who was better than me this time, but I was wrong, that is all I am to people. (That's not self pity, my facts always sound like I'm pitying myself but I'm not, I'm just dealing with the hand I've been dealt, get me?) It was so painful, it still is so painful, everyone says he doesn't deserve my time, especially since I gave him the time again after he'd already broken me before, but I just feel like I'm the one that doesn't deserve him. Like I'm the inadequate one, because this guy can tell me he likes me twice, and then get another girlfriend, just like that, without caring. The worst thing is, this girlfriend is perfect, she's stunning and funny and witty and pretty and everything I will never be, I know exactly why he picked her over me. I just wish people would stop pretending like they care about me, just to watch how amusing of a reaction it is when I break. True, I'm no china doll, but (believe it or not) I do have feelings, and they do break when they're messed around with. I can shatter just as easily as any of those girls who cry all the time, I just don't let people see me break as often.
 So see, can you forgive my absence? I have been trying (and failing) to deal with a broken heart, the loss of friends (both by death and by abandonment) and stupid ex's mingled with illnesses. My poor body hasn't been able to cope, I haven't been able to write coherently, or think properly, or stop crying at night long enough to post. I will try not to be away as long again next time. Bye my Angels <3