Coping isn't something I can do.

I was lied to again. I let myself be lied to again. I knew it was a lie, but I am so weak and feeble that I just let it happen, just hoped it wasn't what I knew it was. I'm so done with being hurt, I'm done with being lied to, I'm just done. Molly said I deserve love, but I obviously don't, all I deserve are lies and people using me. No doesn't even factor into my thoughts any more, because what's the point in saying a word that no one really bothers about anyway? It doesn't matter how much I hate myself, as long as they're happy, that is what I have found. My emotions don't factor into the consideration because why would they? Do you ever get the feeling that you were put on this earth purely for other people's wants, instead of for a purpose of your own? I do. Every single day. On the off chance I get people saying 'I like you' to me, I don't even think about it any more because I know in a week when I don't do as they want, they'll either take it, or leave. Its not even a possibility that when they say lovely things to me, they mean it. They all hate me, they hate me but I'm useful for immediate gratification until someone better comes along, and that doesn't take long, because everyone is better than me. Disgust and hate aren't accurate enough words for how I feel about myself, there will never be any words big enough to describe this feeling. I don't know if I can cope with life for much longer, I feel like I'm dying in so many ways, I'm pretty sure my insides are turning black and shutting down, I cant cope with all the pain, (Fire) tells me I'm strong, but she doesn't know me well enough to know that this isn't strength, its masking the death that's slowly taking me away. I will never be strong, not strong enough to deal with this, with any of this stuff. Hell, I can't even stop myself from relapsing into things that I know I shouldn't do, even when Molly asked me to stop. I cant even respect the wishes of a dead girl, that's how weak I am. I'm certain that my body is begging me to die, and I know that my friends wouldn't exactly feel bad if I did, they'd probably throw a party, because they all hate me. I cant go on. I know I won't survive this, its killing me, its tearing me apart. I just cant any more, I know 'its too hard' is not a good enough reason, but that is what it feels like right now, that's my reasoning. Its all just too hard. Bye my Angels <3