I lost a dear friend...

This easter was a very sad time for me. Obviously I was back home and so I had to eat at least once a day (sometimes more) because my family would cook and I'd be expected to eat with them (not good) but that's not the reason it was sad. An incredible lady died just before easter. Its time for some back story now...

 My nan used to live on a close, the gardens all had gates that connected them to each other and when I'd bake I'd take the right gate and go through all of the garden's to my nan's neighbours. My nan and her neighbours all told me not to take the left gate because that would take me into the garden of the 'devil worshipper' (they were all deeply religious protestants) but being the rebellious little shit I was, I'd take the baking right first, and then sneak through the left gate after I'd gone round all the other houses. There was an absolutely lovely lady that lived left of my nan, April-Rose. (I thought that was great because she had a double barrel first name like me and I hadn't met anyone else with one of those at the time) A-R was a pagan (hence, devil worshipper) and in my eyes she was an angel. Her hair was so long and pretty and she wore cute dresses and plaited my hair with ribbons in it. Every year, the day after easter, I'd take her a plate of raspberry cookies (her favourite) and she'd make me a flower crown from the spring flowers that had bloomed in her garden and call me a princess. She'd teach me about the world outside of my small town, she inspired me to think differently than I was expected to, and she taught me to appreciate nature, she listened to all of my problems (I was heavily bullied throughout my childhood because my face was scarred and I was fat and my hair was curly, as children do) and she'd explain that children copy the example they are set, and not to hate the children, because it wasn't their fault, it was the town and the people they grew up in/with. This woman was a big part of my life and if I couldn't go back at any other point in the year, she always knew I'd be there the day after easter without fail.

(End of back story) 
 So this year, I baked raspberry cookies, wore my hair its naturally curly like she enjoyed and took myself back to my nan's old close, I found her garden gate key dangling behind the vines growing on the front of her house and let myself into her garden as I always had done, expecting to see her sitting there on her bench waiting for me as she always had. Instead I was greeted with her wake. There were so many people asking who I was and how I knew A-R and I just collapsed by the bench outside in a flood of tears. Her daughter came out and spoke to me, asking me to follow her to the sitting room because A-R had left me something, so I pulled myself together because if her daughter wasn't in tears then what right did I have to cry? A-R had left me a flower crown (it was slightly browning and drying out, and a letter. 

The Letter:
 My darling princess, 
      I'm afraid my time is coming to walk amongst pure love in the eternal summer. I'm sorry I won't get to be with you on our special day as was our tradition, but I have made you one final flower crown to keep something of the tradition alive. I hope you don't dwell on your sadness too long, my life has been a happy one and that is what I want you to remember, that life can be happy. I have raised a loving child of my own, and I have stuck firm to my beliefs as I expect you to also. Before I met you when you were just a tiny little princess I was close to giving up my ways, I too was going to succumb to the peer-pressures of this town, but then you appeared in my garden like a ray of sunshine and helped me. I know you believe I helped you out all these years, but it was quite the opposite. And if I did help you then it was only to make you see your full potential. The demons inside you, strong as they may be, are no match for you sunshine, always remember that though a fairy ring may trap you, you must first step into the fairy ring of your own volition. Don't take that step. I am so proud of you, if nurturing your light was my purpose in this life, then know that I have passed in extreme peace. I will be the breeze you feel on your back when you are close to giving up, the sun that shines on you when you have lost your way, just as you were for me, don't worry little princess, you haven't lost me altogether, I'm still here. I will be watching and waiting patiently for the day we shall meet again, I'll have a flower crown ready if you will bake those cookies I like. Be at peace princess for I am, don't lose your light, your love, or your spirit.
 Until we meet again sunshine, this is where I leave you. Stay safe and wear your hair curly every once in a while. 
   April-Rose, humble advisor to the sunshine princess. 

I think its safe to say I have cried a lot, and have worn my hair curly every single day since then. A pure heart has been taken from this world and the sun shines a little less brightly now. So yeah, this is why I haven't posted in a while, I'm sorry about that. Its been a shock to my system. Bye my Angels <3