What part of 'come to a party, it'll be fun' translates into 'clean up after everyone at the party because we're all lightweights' because I personally cant see it. I am owed £20 because lads bet me they could drink me under the table. I dislike the fact I'm assumed to be this weakling because I'm a girl, and that's really the only reason they felt they could drink circles around me, because of my gender. What they don't know is that I've chased so many pills with bottles of vodka on their own that my tolerance for alcohol is sky high and they'd have to start on the absinthe before they got me tipsy. I'm not saying being suicidal has its perks, because it really doesn't, nothing about this state of being has its perks, but the by-products from suicidal tendencies have a few perks, monetary gain being one of them.
Everyone has been telling me for years now that I need to start getting out of the house and having fun, act my age, but every time I go out I just end up being the mother hen. I was at my cousin's party the other weekend when everyone was drunk and needed putting in taxi's or hair holding back or children's ears closed because there was yelling, even though I was falling apart myself and I've had to at this party as well. I think I see a theme emerging here, maybe people just trust me enough to know I'll take care of them if they get drunk? But that's really not what I get out of the house for, I try to get out so I don't have to look after people, I do that constantly in the house, why should I go out and waste good money on alcohol just to do the same thing I do for free at home? That part of socialising always confuses me, how you can spend like £50 on something that you could do in the comfort of your own home for free.
I went to watch 'Frozen' again today with my good friend (B) (A different B though, I have a lot of friends with that initial, maybe I'll think of something else to call her, I think I need to keep a consistent code, the only consistent codename I use on here is (Fire) but anyway) (B) is fine in small doses, I love her to pieces but sometimes she's a bit overwhelming. Plus she's always stringing along some different guy, she just does it for fun, I mean, at least when I do it they get what they want eventually and then they leave, she just makes them wait for 6 months and then goes 'actually I don't feel like fucking you' I think the correct word for that is cock-tease? Sure it works for her, and she seems happy so who am I to judge her? Plus, she shares my adoration for Disney films, so she's a keeper. I feel so tired now though, I have not stopped for the past three days and I've had zero sleep, its okay getting no sleep when you don't socialise because you don't plaster on fake smiles and have to keep up conversations and think of witty retorts etc, but three days of socialising on no sleep is killer to my poor soul.
I really haven't posted in a while, I will try to be more consistent, I just don't find much time any more, there's a lot of stuff to be done and not enough hours in a week to do what's required of me in one day. Let me quick catch you up and then if you feel like having things explained I guess you can always ask? Right:
Panic attacks are back, quite frequently.
Stepdad went to china and came back- Mum on edge about the whole thing since he cheated last time.
Dad's spending all his time with his 'not daughter' who is probably his daughter.
I hit my 6 month no cutting milestone- No one around me knows.
Two more people who call me went to hospital this week- They couldn't cope I guess.
I'm maybe 0.5 now, which is a big deal for me. Bye my Angels <3
No comments:
Post a Comment