I cant justify it any more.

I cant deal with my mother's boyfriend lately. He just keeps drinking. He won't stop, he's constantly got a can in his hand. I already have one alcoholic father, I don't need another. He thinks coming home with a cheap bunch of flowers for my mother whenever he's gotten too drunk in the house will be enough to keep her quiet about it, but they aren't. They're just making her madder. I'm worried about my sister with it all though. My mum's boyfriend has been here for about 10 years now and she's really attached, but between him drinking and her actual dad being a pot head I'm concerned she'll be influenced, she is at that age where everything is 'well they do it, why cant I?' I just cant stand to be in the same room as the man any more, I used to have respect for him, after 6 years I almost trusted him, then when we found out he was cheating on mother that all went and I was just civil, and now I can see that his drinking is out of control, I'm not justifying it.
 My mood was about a 1 the other day, until I started thinking about the future I can potentially have now. Then it plummeted because I'm too fat and too ugly for anyone and I'm not smart enough to be a completely independent female and I'm not witty enough for people to look past the fact I'm hideous and fat. I thought those things and all of a sudden it was like I was back two years ago, my mind was being circled by those little voices and everything just collapsed. All my resolve vanished into thin air. All my certainty about staying healthy went, now I'm not so sure if I I can cope with being a technically healthy weight. All the thoughts I've been suppressing for ages now have just popped back up and taken residence in my head right where they were before, as if they never left. They got worse when people started saying that my friend Liked me. I am not sure I can deal with that, I'm too imperfect for anyone to like me. People need to stop messing with my delicate state of mind. I am in too fragile a way to have my head messed up. I just keep breaking down, I'll get stuck on a thought and it'll kill me a little bit and I just shut down. I think I prefer the way I was before, certain of death and shut off from feelings, this new thinking me is difficult. Bye my Angels <3