The nurse at my university angers me to an insane degree. I went to see her to get a repeat prescription of the medication I have been on for several years now, and she decided she'd try and change it all, even the stuff that was prescribed to me by the specialised ENT doctor, she felt she was superior to his decisions. She changed my inhaler so instead of weaning me off of that particular thing like my old doctor was slowly doing, she's upped my dosage and how many times a day I have to take it, so now my lungs aren't going to get better on their own because they'll be dependent on the fucking inhaler again and I will probably literally never be able to go a day without it. She tried to take me off my allergy meds, which really got me started with her because as you guys are aware, the list of things I am not allergic to is shorter than that which I am, so I proceeded to explain to her that if she took me off of my allergy meds, I would go into anaphylactic shock every time I left my room, because everything would hit me at once like a lorry full of bricks. After 20 minutes of her questioning everything I'm allergic to, and a very indepth account from me about what they all do to me, she finally relented and let me keep them. She refused to change my pill that has now been making me have a continuous period for just over 7 months, saying 'well, the pill seems to suit you, maybe you've just got bad luck, there aren't any other pills you can try' when I know full well that there are over 7 at least because my mum was on 7 and was going to go onto 8 before her starting of cancer, so her bullshitting really wasn't needed at all. And then after sticking the flu jab in my arm wrong and scraping it across my muscle to get it to the correct place, she finally said 'maybe we should get your medical notes from your past doctor' she hadn't even looked over my medical history before trying to change everything, she didn't even know what half of the medication I was on was! I was being treated by an incompetent nurse. Because that's exactly the person you give to the ill kid, the nurse who thinks she knows better than every doctor I've ever seen.
On a much lighter note, there is a lad at this uni, (L) who makes me forget all about my unfortunate past at college with the lad who messed with and broke my heart on several occasions. And though we've only kissed and hung out a few times I feel myself starting to really like him, and that terrify's me warms the ice around my heart at the same time. Its a confusing feeling. My friend seems to think that we'll end up getting together, but I doubt it, I have too much baggage and he's literal perfection, like, 10/10 where I am maybe a two on my really good days, so us getting together won't happen, I'm like 99% sure of it. Nobody who is a god amongst men could want someone as damaged and messed up as me, I know she's just trying to give me hope, but there's nothing worse than false hope to make you spin back down farther into the well, and I definitely do not want to go back down to the bottom of that so soon into my first year of uni. Its kind of nice that I don't think of that other lad as much as I used to, he's just an occasional passing thought now, maybe this means that regardless of if me and (L) get together, I will still have moved on enough to get with someone.
I started talking to my grandad the other week, I guess isolation does strange things to my head and makes me casually talk to my dead grandparent as if he were in the same room as me. I couldn't tell you what urged me to start, but its almost comforting. The logical side of my brain knows he's not there, but somewhere in me wants to believe that if it were possible, he would be looking over me and giving me a push in the right direction on occasion. Its like talking to him is my anchor to stop me from going insane when I'm on my own. Bye my Angels <3
